THE CHURCH TIMES NEWSPAPER June 2040

A FURTHER GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND OR A NIGHTMARE?

12th June 2040 The Chief Officer of the Church of England the Most Reverend Daisy Trump announced today at a Press Conference, that the enthronement of the new Archbishop of Canterbury will take place on the 17^th October at Wembley Stadium. She remarked that the decision to book the stadium with its capacity for 90,000 had been taken as Archbishop elect Robena wanted as many people as possible to be able to attend. She wanted it, Miss Trump said, to be an occasion that all would remember for the rest of their lives. She envisaged coaches coming from all over the UK and as she wanted to encourage children to come with their parents there would be special activities for them, with a small charge to defray expenses. It will be like a big party. The idea to change from the Canterbury Worship Centre (Canterbury Cathedral) where traditionally Archbishops of Canterbury had been enthroned for centuries was innovative and would allow so many more people to be with the Archbishop at the special moment in her life....to party with her. The throne would be transported to Wembley from Canterbury. Stalls selling suitable mementos will be open all day.

The Stadium will open at 10.00 a.m. with a football match between two church teams, followed by massed bands, clowns, jugglers and Liturgical Dance and Flag Waving Teams. Whilst the Archbsihop-elect hoped people would bring picnics there would be various outlets selling hot food and drink for those who wished to avail themselves of them and the bars would be open all day. At 2.00 p.m. it was anticipated that Archbishop Robena would welcome His Majesty King Charles and his wife and other members of the Royal Party. She would also welcome other important and honoured guests. As the Royal Party entered the stadium the National Anthem will be played by the massed Worship Groups and then the King will drive round the stadium before taking his place in the box. At the end of the afternoon there will be a magnificent firework display and an ox roast – special permission had been granted for this by the Wembley Authorities.

Invitations were being issued to all Archbishops and Presiding Bishops throughout the Anglican Communion and their expenses would be defrayed. Other important guests and VIP’s would be invited which would include religious leaders of world faiths such as the Dali Lama, the Grand Mufti, the leaders of the Hare Krishna Movement, the Bahia’s and the Taoists, The Chief Rabbi, The Leader of the Buddhist Movement in Great Britain, the Leader of the Mother Earth Movement, the Chief Druid, the Chairperson of the Astrologers Society as well as leaders from various Christian Denominations. Unusually the Grand Mufti, the Dali Lama, and the leader of the Mother Earth Movement have been invited to lead part of the prayers and, in the case of the Leader of the Mother Earth Movement, she will give a special invocation.

Miss Trump confirmed that tickets are now available through Ticket Master at prices ranging from £20 to £200 for adults; children and concessions at half price. There will be a booking fee of £3 per ticket.

When asked by the a reporter if the invitations would be extended to the Roman Catholic Church or the Ordinariate, Miss Trump speaking indignantly gave the following reply: “You are joking, aren’t you? When those heretical, disloyal, misogynist priests left the Church of England they took with them many faithful people and indoctrinated them with false doctrines. As soon as the Ordinariate was set up, a vigorous campaign was inaugurated to persuade others to join them and I have to say with some reluctance that the campaign was quite successful. Therefore our numbers and our income suffered dramatically. We will do nothing to co-operate with them and want nothing to do with them or their masters the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church. They are anathema as far as we are concerned so neither will be invited. Even if they were I doubt that they would accept anyway.”

To be continued…………………..