THE CHURCH TIMES NEWSPAPER JULY 2040

A FURTHER GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND OR A NIGHTMARE?

The first Celebration of the new Liturgy for Holy Communion took place at the former Church of St. Michaels and All Angels now the East Gate Worship Centre. The servers entered with two thuribles billowing incense followed by the Worship Group, the Liturgical Dance and Flag Waving Team and the celebrant The Rev Miss Maria Jones. The dancers gyrated whilst the Flag Wavers twirled their flags and banners to the accompaniment of guitars, drums and cymbals as the party proceeded to the altar which is set in the middle of the Worship Centre.

Many were surprised when Maria greeted the congregation by saying “Hi guys. May the force be with you.” to which the congregation replied “As it is with you.”

Instead of ”Let us confess.....” Maria said : “We’ve upset Mother/Father God with the times we haven’t exactly kept his rules so now is the time to put matters right” “Mother/Father God we are sorry but it wasn’t all our fault. We were tempted and gave in. We shouldn’t have but we did and we’re not making excuses and know you’ll understand. Please forgive us.”

When we came to the Eucharistic Prayer it was totally different to what most have been used to.

May the force be with us

We agree

We lift ourselves to Mother Father God

And so we should.

Indeed we should. We ought to give our Mother Father God praise, and thanksgiving, and worship, the best we can because we join with those who are in heaven as we sing with our Worship Group Holy, Holy, Holy Mother Father God, you are you and you are from the beginning the creator of Mother Earth. It reflects your glory.

Mother Father God, your Son Jesus born as a human being, when he was betrayed and awaited his arrest, he took bread, said grace and gave it to those present saying: “receive this bread as a token of me.” they all then had a piece of the bread and continued with their meal. When they had all eaten supper he took a glass of wine and said “The wine is red the same colour as blood so let this represent my blood when you next have a drink to remember me.” They then shared the wine passing it from person to person.

So we have done what you told us to do. May your blessing be upon us as we eat the bread and drink the wine. In your name Amen

During the Eucharistic Prayer the Dancers pirouetted around the altar, the Flag Waving team stood at the side waving their flags whilst the Thurifers produced clouds of smoke. We all then joined in the new revised Lord’s Prayer.

Our Mother Father God, Creator of heaven and earth

Your name is blessed everywhere.

May you kingdom come soon. We will try to do your will.

May we be given the ability to obey those of your commandments we can because we agree with them

Give us enough food to satisfy our needs every day

Forgive us for the times when we haven’t kept your rules, you know how difficult it can be

And we will try to forgive those who upset us.

And keep us safe,

For heaven and mother earth are yours for all time Amen

Everybody then came to the altar and was given a piece of Home Pride and a disposable cup with a little wine in it. We then sang numerous choruses, An official came round with a recycling bin to collect the disposable cups whilst another vacuumed the crumbs which had fallen on the floor. The Celebrant then gave the blessing.

May Mother Father God watch over you and yours

And may you enjoy every blessing, now and always.

The congregation were then dismissed: “It’s over. You can go home now.” and they left the building.

And several left the church for good.

After the service our reporter spoke to Miss Jones. “What did you think of it, dear. Wasn’t it marvellous? The new liturgy which I helped to write under the chairmanship of Archbishop-elect Robena, meets people where they are. It will take time for people to get used to it I expect but it is now available for everybody to use. “

Our reporter remembered the church/worship centre before the alterations that had taken place.

“What happened to the beautiful marble altar and the candlesticks?”

“I had them taken out. I didn’t like the altar at all. It had one of those tabernacle things on it so it had to go. The next thing to go is the organ. We don’t use it and it takes up so much room. I mean now we have all these wonderful keyboard thingy’s what do we need an old fashioned organ for. I know organ enthusiasts will not be pleased; they say it is one of the best in the area but, you know, it costs an arm and a leg to keep going so since I’ve been here, nearly four years now, we haven’t spent a single penny on it and the sooner it goes the better. Of course, we’ve saved money on not having to pay an organist and we let the choir ago although people said it was one of the best.”

“I see you use a lot of incense but I noticed it had a quite unusual smell.”

“We use it all the time. We buy it from the Mother Earth Shop at Glastonbury. It’s a special blend and it’s used in a lot of Mother Earth ceremonies particularly at the Summer Solstice. “

“Isn’t that witchcraft?”

“No dear, just reminding us of our relationship with Mother Father God’s wonderful creation in the earth on which we live.”